The Season...

Thank you to all my readers who have commented on my holiday time blogs from the past two years. I continue to hear from many readers how you appreciate some holiday family tips, so I am adding some new thoughts and some reminders.

The holiday season may hold impactful memories, thoughts, and emotions for many of us. However one chooses to celebrate, I try to pause during this holiday season to bring awareness to how I am feeling, and how my feelings affect others. I am Jewish, and grew up celebrating both Hannukah and Christmas (for many reasons upon which I won't elaborate). I married someone who is not Jewish, so our family celebrates both holidays. Even though I grew up with both holidays, I feel conflicted every year. When I put up a tree and stockings and festive lights outside, I have a pang of guilt for my Jewish relatives, and want to double down on Hannukah. Yet, is that really the answer? Is the response to go big on both holidays? In a parental whirlwind of trying to create memories and making holidays special, it's wise to stop, pause, and review tips that I have used myself, as well as advice I give to others.

Tip 1: This is a repeat tip from former blogs, and, I think a helpful reminder!

I once read an article which discussed the visuals in magazines and store fronts. It reminded the reader that these ads and sets are curated purposefully to sell things, and are not realistic to achieve. Shortly after reading that article, my husband walked in the room while I was watching a Christmas Hallmark movie (yes I do watch those occasionally!). He looked at the tv and said "oh a perfect Hallmark house". At that same time, I had also attended a college alumni tea, and found myself analyzing the home, the dishes, the décor, and comparing my own home to hers. Between the article, the tea, and my husband’s comments, I realized that I had fallen victim to appearances as many people do,. I can't, nor should expect my home to be like others. Let's hear it for permission to create your own spaces and places with meaning, and to simplify with no comparisons!

Tip 2: Change is hard and expected. How can I flow with holiday tradition and changes as families expand and ideas develop? Recently, I have given myself permission to change things, and not hold on to everything. The holiday decor I have is made up of special collected things, ornaments from travel and childhood, and thoughtful gifts received. I don't purchase new holiday decor. This year I found myself wanting to give away a Christmas tree skirt that was a gift from my dear mother in law. It doesn't fit with our present, it's from the past. I was afraid to give it away, and fearful to ask my husband. I did not want to offend him or memories from his mother, He had no hesitation giving the tree skirt away. This simple action reminded me that letting go of objects doesn't mean we've let go of the memories, great times, and love with family members.

Tip 3: Family presence, time, and experiences make memories. I wrote these thoughts a few years ago, and remind myself of them every year. I assure you that your children will remember the meals, games, and joy over what they received as gifts. My adult children consistently talk about our family rituals of eating latkes, celebrating with friends, lighting the menorah, taking walks together, and cooking together. Just today, I came across an article about a mother who asked her child to "name three gifts you received last year for Christmas". The teenager replied "I don't remember". Then, she asked her daughter "what happened on the last trip we took together?" and her daughter recounted many memories. Experiences create meaningful memories.

Tip 4: Here's another repeat tip that is consistently on my mind! I have been making many efforts to regularly practice gratitude. A regular and meaningful practice of gratitude is correlated with health, social connections, and feelings of joy. As soon as I start to feel that rise of mixed emotions, I stop and state to others all the things I am so grateful for. I walk in nature and I take deep breaths. While I acknowledge people's complaints around me, I try hard to answer with the response "yes.... and...", here's what I am grateful for about that subject we're discussing. It is sometimes surprising how one can flip their mindset, and experience how gratitude flows in.

I hope you find these holiday tips helpful! Give yourselves grace and space this holiday season! Happy holidays with peace, joy, and health to you all.