Social Emotional Learning for Adults! Part 1

Recently at a dinner party, I was describing the theme of a children's book I am writing (stay tuned!), and then the guests turned to me and said "this applies to adults too!" Adults consistently ask me about helping them with social and emotional skills. Many people tell me “I wish I had this class as a young kid, none of us did”. This is precisely why social emotional learning (SEL) is increasingly prevalent in schools. There are state standards for SEL, and a plethora of research in the last 2 to 3 decades has proven SEL valuable in numerous ways.https://sel4ca.org/why-sel-important/ Social and emotional skills can be learned, need to be intentionally taught, and practiced.  One can’t assume that people automatically have all the skills, and these are lifelong skills. We are never done learning.

My next series of posts will focus on a specific skill, and encourage you to engage with the content for your own development and practice.

Overview of SEL domains:  There are five domains of social and emotional development including self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills,, and responsible decision making. These domains are inter-related, like puzzle pieces. For example, if you don’t have solid self-awareness, it will be challenging to develop strong social awareness.

Self-Awareness: Emotional Vocabulary

Social and emotional skills are building blocks.  One of the first “blocks” begins with self awareness.  Self-awareness starts with expanding our own emotion vocabularies.  I love this quote from Monica Pena-Aviles "Research has shown that knowing how to express the feelings you are experiencing is key to emotional intelligence. In other words, having a good emotional vocabulary will increase your emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, feelings and emotions are complex and finding the proper descriptor to express how you feel can be a real challenge. Determining how to categorize a feeling descriptor into an emotional state correctly takes practice. Much like learning a language, before we can speak it, we must learn the words of the language, i.e. its vocabulary. Once we have mastered the vocabulary, speaking the language flows effortlessly."

Think about when someone asks “how are you?” 

What are some usual responses?

I notice people often say “fine, ok”. Does that really describe what you are feeling?  Other common responses I hear are mad, sad, or excited. This week I encourage you to brainstorm other words for fine, ok, mad, sad, and excited.  Make a list. Keep adding to it as you think of more emotions. To get you started, here are some examples from children:

Mad: angry, grumpy, frustrated, …..FILL in your own!

Sad:  upset, gloomy, bummed… Fill in your own!

I have completed this activity with adults many times, and it is not easy!  We all can continually work expanding our emotion vocabularies. Building and using a wide range of emotions helps us understand ourselves more, and connect with others more deeply.  The next time you respond to someone about how you are feeling, think about it before responding.