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Holiday Time - again!

Writer's picture: Lisa HinshelwoodLisa Hinshelwood

Thank you to all my readers who have commented on my holiday time blog from 2023. I continue to hear from many readers that they really appreciate my holiday family tips, so I am posting and adding new thoughts for 2024.

Every year at this time, I am reminded how many of us have so many mixed emotions about the holiday season no matter what holidays, if any, you celebrate.  In a recent discussion with family, I heard many mixed feelings, and in a strange way, it made me feel better because at times, I think "maybe it's just me who feels this way." This year, it feels like we were catapulted into the holidays, with the expectations of joy, family, love, giving, buying, and social obligations, when, at least for me, there is much in the world that can feel anxiety provoking.

As adults, we might create idealized pictures of the holidays we had when we were young. Or, we might wish for different holiday experiences from the times we had as children. Either way, this time of year can bring feelings of stress, sadness, renewed grief for departed loved ones, and even pressure. My children are grown adults, and now one is married. I continually face the inevitable sharing of families, while I still hear about other friends who get to be with all of their grown children. Am I envious? Of course I am! I have more and more empathy for my own parents who shared family time when I got married and started my own family. Add in that word that strikes a chord with many of us - change! There is natural change in life, and the progression of time. While I may not like it, embracing it surely helps!

So, at this time of year, I like to review tips that I have used myself, and ones about which I advise others. Here they are:


Tip 1: I recently read an article which discussed the visuals in magazines and even store fronts. It reminded the reader that these ads and sets are curated purposefully to sell things, and not realistic to achieve. Shortly after reading the article, my husband walked in the room while I was watching a Christmas Hallmark movie (yes I do watch those occasionally!). He looked at the tv and said "oh a perfect Hallmark house". In addition, I also had attended a college alumni tea, and found myself analyzing the home, the dishes, the décor, and comparing my own home to hers. Between the article, the tea, and my husband’s comments, I realized that I fall victim to the appearances as many do, and can't, nor should expect my home to be like others. I also overheard a conversation just yesterday where someone stated "I am simplifying and think I'll just put out a red tablecloth"  Let's hear it for permission to create your own spaces and places with meaning, and to simplify with no comparisons!

Tip 2: Holiday time is often filled with many events, activities, and gatherings. Today, I happened to look at our city's holiday activities, and noticed that there are more every year! Just reading about them immediately caused my mind to go to the place of "I should...." My tip is that we need to maintain balance and set some boundaries. Over-scheduling can lead to fatigue, behavioral challenges, and overall, an opposite of family fun. Perhaps, choose 1 or 2 things that you like to do. Maybe there is one thing you want to set as a family tradition. Quality over quantity will maintain family wellness. It's ok to let go!

Tip 3: Family time and experiences make the memories. I assure you that your children will remember the meals, games, and joy over what they received as gifts. Just last night my friend started explaining all the games and bike rides she did with her family over Thanksgiving. I heard the joy in her voice about the gift of time together. My adult children consistently talk about our family rituals of eating latkes, celebrating with friends, and lighting the menorah. These are the meaningful memories we have made together, and will be passed on to new generations.

Tip 4: I have been making many efforts to regularly practice gratitude. A regular and meaningful practice of gratitude is correlated with health, social connections, and feelings of joy. As soon as I start to feel that rise of mixed emotions, I stop and state to others all the things I am so grateful for. I walk in nature and I take deep breaths. While I acknowledge people's complaints around me, I try hard to answer with the response "yes.... and...", here's what I am grateful for about that subject we're discussing. It is sometimes surprising how one can flip their mindset, and experience how gratitude flows in.


I hope you find these holiday tips helpful! Give yourselves grace and space this holiday season! Happy holidays with peace, joy, and health to you all.

 

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